duck-shaped pain

Today, I went down to one of our local bagel shops (not coffee shops...we don't have any here. All the places that server decent coffee and have decent places to sit are bagel places) to get a cup of tea and do some reading. I usually have pretty good experiences at this place, and have gotten to the point where some of the employees know me by name. I actually haven't been there for awhile -- my forced immobility sort of kept me from going there (I pretty much had to rely on others in order to go anywhere. When I want to go out for coffee, lots of times, I want to be alone, dammit) -- but it's nice to be able to go there now. One of the employees today inquired about my leg and said she had wondered where I was.

So, anyway, I get there, and I'm standing in line to give my order. Things are moving kind of slowly, since it's both Sunday morning *and* a holiday, and they're pretty busy. All of the people in front of me are taking awhile to order -- the woman directly in front of me kept asking if there was garlic in the garlic bagel, and wanted to know the difference between the herb cream cheese and the cinnamon cream cheese -- but I'm actually pretty patient in these situations, as I've been on the other side of the counter.

Suddenly, this guy barges in the door. He comes over to the line and gets in it -- right in front of me. I frown, and say, "Hey, I was in line here!"

He turns around and looks at me, eyes moving slowly over me and especially my cane, and replies, "Sorry, I'm in a hurry and you look like you'd be a little slow." Uh -- I'm mildly crippled, not retarded....

At that moment, the person behind the counter asks Asshole for his order (she apparently didn't see any of this). He rambles off some long-ass order, of course, repeatedly asking what type of bagels they had, even after the board listing all the bagel varieties was pointed out to him. He stops, and we all secretly cheer, because we think he is done. The cashier rings up his order, and just when she is about to tell him how much it is, when he says, "Wait, I forgot, there's some things I'm supposed to get to take home with me."

So, while he's standing there and everyone behind him is waiting, he takes out his cell phone cand calls home, trying to reach whoever it is that wanted a bagel order. This person is not there. So, instead of giving up, he makes four other calls, trying to locate said person. He finally reaches whoever it is, and apparently, he was wrong. They didn't want bagels after all. This took about twenty long, long minutes.

Then, he takes the last available table. Wheeeeeeee!