duck-shaped pain

If my dad were writing this, which he isn't, he would call the eggplant "Nicole." We don't have many family phrases in common use, but one that comes up a lot is that all eggplants are named Nicole. You of course are familiar with those stickers they place on fruits and vegetables in an attempt to give them brand names. Well, for a long time, the eggplants at the store near our house on them all had stickers on them that simply said, "Nicole." It's not the name I'd give an eggplant, but it seems to fit.

We have some other family phrases, but they all make much less sense than that. "Don't stick any beans up your nose," is one, usually used after someone has "Happy Birthday" sung to them or used as a parting greeting when someone's going to be away for awhile.

The most inscrutable family phrase I can think of is "A Fart In A Skillet". I have no idea how to define this -- it just means whatever you say it means. It's usually used to describe someone jumping around on TV, but it's not limited to that, necessarily. Figure skaters are definitely Farts in a Skillet. Cheerleaders fit the bill, too. Other people are touch and go when it comes to their Fart in a Skillet status: gymnasts, baseball players, frisbee dogs, etc. It all depends.

I once called something A Fart in a Skillet (don't remember what) in front of my soon-to-be ex and he just looked at me with a stone face. "What the hell does that mean?" I, of course, assumed everyone used this phrase, but they were using it only the most secret of company.

The phrase, as I've been told, comes from my grandmother. She never gave any real meaning for it, or defined any rules for its use, but, she says, you know A Fart in a Skillet when you see it.