duck-shaped pain


Where I Get My Picture Taken

I was not looking forward to this morning, because I planned to spend it at the DMV, while finally getting around to getting a new Colorado driver's license.

I've always had bad experiences with the local DMV, but who amongst us cannot say the same thing about their own local office? The biggest problem with our office is that the same people have worked there for years and years and years.

For instance, the guy who helped me today is the same guy who gave me my driver's test 10 years ago. He told me the exact same joke today that he told me back then, and it still wasn't very funny or coherent. If I understood it, I'd tell it here, but I can't make myself understand it. Maybe it's not even a joke.

The other employee is this middle-aged woman with enormous hair, dyed black with a big silver streak in the middle. I was glad to see that she was still there, although her hair gets smaller and smaller every year.

I came prepared, armed with multiple forms of ID and several bank statements to prove that I live where I say I live. I didn't know if this was necessary, but I figured it might be a good idea. When I got my Oregon license a few years ago, I was given crap because I didn't bring enough ID. I only brought in my previous Colorado license, my Social Security card and my passport. Those were not enough. The thing that finally proved my identity was my old Denver Post employee ID, which I luckily had left in my bag. I also needed to present four or five different bills and bank statements to show them where I lived. I didn't know becoming an Oregonian would require so much paperwork. [1]

So I got there good and early, thinking that I would have to spend hours there, drinking bad DMV coffee and reading the Colorado Driver's Manual just for fun. But when I got there, there was only one other person there.

The guy who gave me my driver's test took my old license, asked my why I had brought so much other ID with me, and that was it. My old information was still in the computer -- I just had to give them my current weight. Another guy, who had the World's Worst Mullet [2] took my picture and I was done. I wasn't expecting to be out of there quite that quickly, especially after I put three hours' worth of change in the meter.

[1] Don't even get me started on how much crap you have to put up with to get license plates there. Another bad topic might be my current struggle to get a copy of my car title -- it seems the State of Oregon lost my title, which just makes me want to scream.

[2] So, out of all possible mullets, what makes this the world's worst mullet? Well, the top part, which is supposed to be short, was too short -- it was nearly shaved off. The back part, which is long, was way too long -- it started at the back of this guy's head, and went halfway down his back. Special bonus: it was permed.

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