duck-shaped pain

2000-09-06
Where I Am A Person, Not A Number

Bad Jobs, Part Two

I attended the University of Denver for one year, which was in large part a mistake. Too expensive, too isolated, too snobby. I got myself a work-study job in their public relations department, which was an even bigger mistake.

Now, I had worked in college PR departments before � I had been given actual responsibilities and been called by my actual name. But at the DU office, there were no such perks. There were five work-study students in the office � we were called "Work Study One," "Work Study Two," etc. I was the luckiest one, for I was "Work Study Five." They didn�t trust us with any sort of actual work. Even photocopying flyers required constant supervision and it was never done right, in the opinion of the office manager. So we never had anything to do, but we were constantly being berated for not doing the nothing we had to do correctly. I got mono during my year there, something which prompted the office manager to constantly follow me around the office with some Formula 409 and a rag, lest I sneeze on any important surfaces. I was very glad to get out of there.

My next job was actually pretty good, although it ended badly. I worked for a major international clothing chain, which I will not mention except to say that it has a three-letter name that starts with "G", and that there�s probably one in your least favorite mall. It was an okay job � I mainly took it because I thought it would be a funny place to work, and I was right. I quit this job in a fairly spectacular manner, which may or not become an entry in here � lots of people have heard it already, some of whom read this, and I don�t want to run it into the ground.

My next retail job suck-diddly-ucked. I took a temporary job in the bookstore at Auraria, the campus where my next college was located � it may have been the worst job of all. We all got paid $5 per hour, weren�t allowed to talk to other employees during down times (and believe me, there were a lot of down times), weren�t allowed to touch our bodies to the counters, lest we be tempted to lean over and slack openly. I drew the lucky 5 a.m. shift, and stuck at it for two weeks before I decided that not going anymore was my best option.

The next few jobs were good ones � no complaints from me. I worked at my college paper, then at the Denver Post and a photography company in Oregon. When I got canned from the last job (a dull, uninteresting story), it took me awhile to find anyone that was interested in hiring me.

I finally got an offer from a software company in the southern part of Portland. They compiled databases of chemical information � warnings about that certain substances could do to skin and eyes. Don�t pour arsenic on open wounds, drinking bleach is bad, things like that. My job was to type up as much of this information as I could, as quickly as possible. It seemed like a decent place to work, during the interview, but I should have known better � helpful clues would have told me this, if I had just paid attention.

The 7 a.m. starting time was a good hint. So was the fact that the place and people I was told I would be working with in the interview were not, in fact, where and who I worked with. Other big huge flashing clues might be the fact that every single action of the day was timed � they gave you a report at the end of each day showing how "efficient" you had been; the fact that everyone had to take their breaks at the exact same time and that there were financial penalties for those who did not leave/get back on time; and the fact that everyone who worked there seemed like they were on the verge of suicide. Also, Enforced Fun � trips to unfun amusement parks and whatnot, which, if you didn�t want to go � another penalty! The last straw came when they announced that there would be a pizza party at noon � how fun! Everyone is invited! Then, the supervisors would come around, take a look at everyone�s work, and announce to the group, "So And So cannot come to today�s pizza party, for they are not being efficient enough." Another job I just left all of a sudden � a common pattern.

Man, I have had some serious loser jobs. Hopefully, none I have from this moment on will be that bad.

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