duck-shaped pain

You realize that this is a long segue into saying, if you wrote me in the last few days and haven't received a reply, that's why�

No more delays!

I present�

SNOW!

(Q: What kind of trees are those? A: Juniper trees -- a whole flock of them)

It snowed today, for the first time this season. Actually, this is the biggest snow I've seen since I moved back to Colorado last year and am I ever glad to see it (for those of you puzzling over the lack of snow, let me say a) bad snow year last year and b) it doesn't snow a lot out here in the desert anyway). I love snow. I even love it when it turns into its less beloved forms: snain, slail, slush and that crusty, dirty snow remnant that stubbornly remains in north-facing parts of the yard until March or so.

I am sort of a 90-pound snow weakling in some ways. I've only been in one decent blizzard worthy of the name (October 24-25, 1997 in Denver) but it was quite a force of nature. The part of the city I lived in got around 25 inches of snow and the entire city shut down for a few days. Except for the buses � good thing, since my car was completely unrecognizable under the snow pile in my apartment building's parking lot. I spent that weekend walking around the city, which was almost completely deserted. I indulged odd urges I didn't know I had � "Hey, I'm walking straight down the middle of Colfax Avenue and there is not a soul to stop me!" Everything was closed, so I had to scavenge for food (if you can call reaching for the dingy ramen packet in the back of the drawer � the one long missing its flavor packet, which was "oriental-flavor" anyway � scavenging). The liquor stores in my neighborhood were open, but who would expect otherwise?

Other than that, I've suffered few snow-related inconveniences. I've only had one day off of school because of snow � they expect people to be a bit hardier out here. I've only been stuck in an airport once because of snow (ten hours, not too bad � except that I had to spend part of it with two squabbling women from Albuquerque who kept debating over whose wig looked nicer (answer: neither) � and it was in Stapleton, which made everything seem worse), and have never been stuck on a mountain in the middle of a snow storm. So I can speak of snow in the glowing terms usually only reserved for the foolish, the na�ve or people who come from sunny southern states.

If I were feeling nicer, I wouldn't talk about Oregonians and snow. But I will. During my stint in the PacNW, it snowed once. Portland got between a third and a half-inch of snow � not a lot, but just enough to send everyone into a complete panic. I was completely shocked at people's reactions � here, in the part of the country which seems much more weather-burdened than anywhere else. It took forever to get anywhere. I decided to go to the grocery store � only a mile from work, mind you � on the afternoon it snowed and it took an hour to get there and an hour and a half to get back. People were inching along at the velocity of earthworms and doing stoopid sliding and braking tricks which I'd only seen in drivers-ed films up to that point. I was amazed. Then, the next day it rained and everything was back to normal.

The only problem with snow here is that it never really stays long. Tomorrow it'll probably be 60 and it will melt off and people will be wearing shorts out just for the hell of it.

Stopping at the natural food store this morning to get my daily algae, I heard this conversation:

CASHIER: Can I help you?

OLD LADY: Do you carry Arizona State Butter?

CASHIER: I'm afraid we don't. We have Horizon, (other brands of butter listed). Why? What's Arizona State Butter?

OLD LADY: It's special butter manufactured by the state of Arizona.

CASHIER: Never heard of it. Is it special?

OLD LADY: It has more butter in it than regular butters. And they put something in it to keep you regular.

I played around some more with the camera today. I figured that while I could, I should try to take a decent picture of me, since there aren't really any. Here is what I came up with:

That makes two pictures out of all the ones taken of me over the last 26 years that I can stand.

[1] I realize this is uncharacteristic of me, but I just craved BEEF all of a sudden this afternoon. Maybe I'm iron deficient or something.

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