duck-shaped pain

Understand that I use the term "college of my choice" very loosely. More like "college of the most convenience" or "college of not-so-strict graduation requirements."

Because, really, I'm not picky at this point. I have 175 credit hours racked up over seven years and three different colleges, and no degree. I'm not in it for the enrichment. I'm not in it for the deep conversations at midnight at the quad. [1] I just want a degree -- I really don't care what it's in, I don't care where it's from. I just want to have it, have something to show for my time in school besides clippings of some really lame things I wrote for one of my college newspapers and $8,000 in student loans. Seven years -- most people get master's degrees after seven years. My dad was in college for only eight, and he had a Ph.D. after that.

So, anyway, I'm going back to school, or at least applying, just to see how quickly I can manage to finish. The strange thing is that I'll be going back to the school where I started, which will have the advantage of simplifying things (I already have three years' worth of credits racked up there, plus many many possible transfer credits) but also gives me an eerie circle of life sort of feeling.

Why am I going back? Several reasons. I feel weird about not finishing. I have all these great college stories, and the unspoken punch line is always there: did. not. graduate. I'm tired of explaining to prospective employers why I don't have one. I know you can get decent jobs without a degree -- several friends of mine have -- but it seems like you have to be that much better than anyone else to do so. It's like you have to prove yourself more than someone with a degree would. I'm really not that kind of person -- I'm not a good employee, really, [2] and I don't have any one-of-a-kind skills to show anyone, so I don't want to disadvantage myself any further. Some of the things I'm thinking of doing in a few years (trying to get a job in another country, graduate school) require a degree, more or less. Plus -- and this is the most important reason -- I want to.

So how did I not graduate? It's a long story and it took a lot of effort on my part.

First college: started out good. Diligent student. Actually read and memorized the graduation requirements part of the catalog and followed it (which is what may help me out now). 4.0 GPA, until the horrible Interpersonal Communications (ick) class that took my GPA down to a sorry 3.98. Had three good years, decided to transfer because I was sick of living here.

Second college: not a good idea. Got a scholarship. Did pretty well academically. Took graduate courses as electives. Did not fit in with the student body well at all -- lots of students far richer than I who were mostly at that school to ski, not go to class. It also seemed really isolated for being located in a major city. Pluses, though: 24-hours computer labs = 24-hours IRC and they had bound issues of fashion magazines from the 1930s in their library. Minuses = completely responsible for all my student loan debt. Financial aid office informed me before my second year there that my scholarship was being revoked (despite a 3.7 GPA), so I bailed, which lead to:

Third college: Much better fit with the student body, mainly because they admitted everyone with a face. Right in downtown, so there were many opportunities for nearby recreation. Started out well, then went downhill. By this time, I was in to my fifth year of school, and I was ready to be done. However, there is not a school on Earth more difficult to transfer to. They kept putting me off and delaying and being out of the office and calling in sick and anything else they could think of to not sit down and work out where my credits would go. Classes (mainly picked through the Hey, This Looks Interesting method) were interesting, except those in my major, because of the horrible English department there. I didn't learn squat from almost anyone there. [3] The art department was great, and I got to play with clay. My time there was concurrent with my long stretches of unemployment and listening to records all day, so I actually had a pretty good time going there. Until I tried to put in my petition to graduate. I put it in, thought things were simpatico, and then got notice that I was not going to graduate because a) I did not do so well in my Art History: 1960 - Last Week [4] class and b) oh, by the way, we decided not to take any of your credits in transfer.

By that time, I was in Oregon. Where I couldn't do much about it. And it's not like I wanted to go back there and go through the transfer credit blender again.

So, I'm hoping this time will be better. The vast majority of my non-elective credits are from this school, which means less problems. Tuition is cheap, I have very few expenses, and I'll probably be able to pay for school without taking out loans. But before I decide for sure, I want to see how long it's going to take. If it's going to take forever, maybe not. Who knows.

Went to go see two movies on Sunday. I don�t think I've ever been to two in one day before, at least not by myself. They were both matinees, so it was cheap, and I really didn't have anything else to do. I first went to see Kiss of the Dragon, which I had heard was dumb, but I can put up with anything that has Jet Li in it for an hour or so. Which is mainly what I remember: watching him, dressed in black, walking around Paris, looking pretty hot. As for the rest of it, there was not enough kicking. Or slapping. Or flying through the air. There was an annoying hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold subplot which got really old. More kicking, I say. After that, I decided to go see Legally Blonde, which was at least fun. Too inspirational at moments, but fun. [5] It made me want to own a Chihuahua, which was previously an unexplored thought for me.

Between shows, I continued the recent CD-buying splurge started a last week by obtaining The Essential Bill Monroe and his Blue Grass Boys box set (on sale! For 13!) and the new Rufus Wainwright. The first is very nice, but I have to say that I've listened to the latter five times today already. Which is a lot.

[1] Seven years of college, and I never figured out what a "quad" is. Shouldn't have missed all those orientation sessions.

[2] Any important critical thinking skills I have are usually put towards getting out of work, such as in today's important realization: if I say that I have an appointment, and that it ends at X time, which is actually much later than when it actually ends, then I can go to my appointment, give myself a bit of slack time, and then come back at Y time, which is still much earlier than when I was expected back. Then I look like I came back early out of commitment to Work, but in reality, I got to slack off for a bit. Sort of dumb, but that was a more compelling thought than anything I was assigned to think about today.

[3] For example, in my senior thesis class (which I got a C in despite getting an A on my 43-page thesis), we never discussed anything, just listened to my professor stress about getting tenure and then watched episodes of Northern Exposure on tape, because, according to my prof, "this episode illustrates an important point about Derrida."

[4] The reasons here are many and varied: class held at 4 p.m. in a dark, warm room, professor who didn't have much to say besides the fact that she had once had been at the same party as Chuck Close, some asshole at the Tattered Cover who made me miss my midterm, which I was not allowed to make up. Which is a really long story that I promise to tell sometime soon.

[5] Until recently, I had a hard time accepting "fun" as a emotion or description of anything. Then I sort of lightened up. Fun is okay.

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