duck-shaped pain

Her: "So, do you take a lunch hour here?"

Me: "Sometimes yes, sometimes no, depending on how busy we are and the amount of guilt The Employer is heaping on me."

Her: "Oh, I don't ever eat lunch. I'm going to start bringing in my hiking boots tomorrow, since I like to hike and climb during my noon hour. [1] I don't think this is going to be a problem, [2] since [3] I think The Employer will be glad not to have any more fat people [4] around here."

Me: (speechless)

[1] I'm all for exercise, but my question here is hike where? The only thing in the immediate vicinity that could be called a climb is the steep road up to the convenience store down the street. Other than that, it's all generic suburban neighborhood around here, not anything that requires special traction or ankle support.

[2] Yes it is. I can assure you that leaving mid-day for anything short of dire hunger or lopping your hand off in the dull-ass paper cutter will be A Problem.

[3] I cannot even describe the sheer bitchiness with which this next part of the conversation was delivered.

[4] Meaning me, essentially.

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