duck-shaped pain

I have a headache. A very small one, yet a very intense one, centered at the top of my forehead. I didn't used to get caffeine headache, but I do now, if I drink too much. Sigh � I'm getting older.

For some reason, my headache reminded me of the Trippuccino. The Trippuccino (not named by me) is the single most caffeinated beverage I've ever ingested. It had the power of 23 cups of coffee in one murky, deadly, quivering glass. And I drank it.

This happened a few years ago. I was still in school, struggling to stay interested, and I had a paper to write for some class or another (can't remember which one, now � it's not important). My friend J. [2] at that time worked at a coffee shop near campus, and I was in the habit of visiting him on the nights he worked so as to procure free coffee from him.

I went to see him and explained that I needed to drink a lot of coffee so I could stay up late and work on my paper. I have never been able to write papers during the day or in advance for some reason � all papers must be written the night before they are due.

J. listened to my predicament and said, "Hey, I'll make you something special, but you have to agree to drink it all."

I'm always up for a challenge, especially a coffee-related challenge.

So I sat down and waited while he fiddled around furiously around the counter. He came over to me, bearing a glass containing some brown liquid. It looked like thick, opaque pond water that had somehow become steaming hot.

"What is this?" I asked.

"Drink it and I'll tell you."

I should know by now that statements like that are big warning signs. But did I listen to all the emergency lights and bells and flashes going on in my mind? Like so many other instances in my life, the answer is no. No no no no no no.

So, I drank it. It tasted like coffee, only stronger, heavier, outlandishly sweet and completely wrong. I drank the whole thing, though, then demanded to know what the hell was in it.

"Well," J. started to explain.

He started out with normal espresso. The shop at the time kept caffeinated water on hand for novelty, but he used it brew the espresso with instead. Then, they also had caffeinated syrups on hand, so he went nuts adding shots of almond and hazelnut and vanilla syrup. They also sold some special candy which was supposed to provide the punch of three cups of coffee in one drink, so he took a couple and melted them into my drink.

So, in total, he estimated, he had created � in one glass � the equivalent of 23 cups of coffee.

Which I drank.

I'll spare you the suspense � I didn't get my paper written. Not that night. Not the next. I did a lot of things which didn't involve writing.

I actually felt okay through most of the Trippuccino Ordeal. I didn't sleep much, but I drew a lot, mostly random lines and dots and things that only required small, jerky arm movements to create. I listened to the Descendents a lot as well as records by any other early-era SST bands I had laying around. I went to Tower � nearly bought the whole store. Everything looked very shiny and shimmery and very, very appealing. Good thing I didn't have any money. I also went to the grocery store. Bought lots of corn chips, which was the only thing that seemed appealing to eat at the time. I think it was because of the crunch.

Of course, through the entire time, the entire 36 hours I was up, did I suffer one caffeine headache? NO. Which makes me especially disgusted with the headaches I get now � I sit there yammering to myself, dammit, I didn't even drink three cups of coffee and I already feel like the Normandy Invasion is taking place on my skull�

[1] "Kickass" and "cream of broccoli soup" should be used in more sentences together, I think.

[2] Not August Guest Diarist J., nor the J. I went drinking with last month. There's a lot of J.s in my life, you know.

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