duck-shaped pain

I dreamed that I was attending a hockey game. There was beer and loud fans, just like any other hockey game, but the big difference was that all the players were inanimate objects on skates instead of people.

One side had, among other things, a 200-foot redwood and an aquarium playing for them, and the other team had a jar of peanut butter among its ranks. An old tire was one of the goalies, and it was doing a pretty good job, considering that it had a big hole in its middle. I don't remember the exact name of the team that one, I just remember hearing that its competitive edge came from trading for a really competitive wastebasket in the middle of the season.

After the game, I went to the new apartment I had just moved in to, and met my new roommates. When I got there, they were watching a TV special on "The Worst Music Videos Ever." I sat down with them and collectively, we were very excited to see what the worst one ever would be.

Finally, they got to number one. It was a video for some song I'd never heard of before. It opened with a shot of a chest freezer outside somewhere in the snow. The freezer opened, and inside were hundreds of little animatronic peanuts, with mouths and faces and everything. The peanuts warbled [1] the lyrics of the song, in unison. And there was dancing. At the end of the song, there were tiny peanut-sized fireworks. Then the freezer closed.

My new roommates and I were dumbfounded, for we all agreed that this had to be the best video ever. Peanuts and fireworks and singing -- how could it get any better?

[1] What other sound would a peanut make?

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